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Veronica Guerrero-Quan, M.S., LPA-Independent Practice Why Some Christians Put Off Therapy (And Why You Don’t Have To) As both a Christian and a therapist who’s currently pursuing my seminary degree, I’ve walked the road of balancing faith and mental health. And I get it—it can feel like there’s a tug-of-war between trusting God with your struggles and seeking professional help. Many Christians wrestle with whether it’s okay to seek therapy, often feeling like they should be able to handle things on their own or that therapy might somehow contradict their faith. But here’s the truth: Therapy isn’t about replacing God—it’s about working in tandem with the healing He provides. It’s about allowing Him to use therapists, counselors, and other professionals to bring about deeper emotional and mental healing, just like He uses doctors to heal our physical bodies. So, why do many Christians hesitate to seek therapy in the first place? Let’s dive into the most common reasons: 1. "It’s not spiritual enough." There’s this misconception that therapy is something secular and that seeking a therapist means you’re turning your back on God’s wisdom. But here's the thing: therapy can actually be an incredible tool that God uses to bring healing. Think about it this way—God works through many channels. Just as He uses doctors and medicine to heal the body, He can use therapists to help untangle the complexities of our minds. Therapy isn’t anti-God ; it’s a way to align your emotional well-being with His design for holistic health. In fact, many therapists integrate faith-based practices into their work, and you can absolutely find one who respects your values. 2. "I should be able to pray my way through this." Absolutely, prayer is powerful, and I’m a firm believer in the transformative power of talking to God. But there’s a fine line between trusting God and expecting to “fix” everything just through prayer alone. Sometimes, God uses the gifts of others—like therapists, counselors, or trusted mentors—to help us process pain, trauma, and stress. You wouldn’t hesitate to go to the doctor if you had a broken arm, so why hesitate to seek help for your mental health? Praying through your struggles can be part of the process, but therapy can help you navigate and unpack those struggles in a structured and healthy way. 3. "It’s a sign of weakness." One of the biggest barriers I see is the idea that needing therapy somehow indicates a lack of faith or weakness. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Needing help is not a sign of failure—it’s a sign of wisdom. Even the most spiritually mature people experience pain, trauma, and mental health challenges. It’s not about being weak; it’s about being strong enough to admit that you need help. In fact, Jesus Himself said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28). Recognizing that we need rest—and that rest might come through professional support—is not a lack of faith; it’s a healthy, self-aware response to the pressures of life. 4. "I’m just not ready to open up." Vulnerability is hard. And it can feel especially hard when we’re conditioned to put on a brave face and “just deal with it” as Christians. But here’s the thing: healing doesn’t happen in isolation. It happens when we’re brave enough to face our pain, even in small steps. Therapy provides a safe, non-judgmental space where you can unpack the thoughts and emotions that feel too overwhelming to share with others. And you don’t have to do it all at once. Therapy isn’t a race—it’s a journey, and you get to move at your own pace. 5. "I don’t want to look like I’m not trusting God enough." This is a big one, especially for those who feel the weight of wanting to appear like they have everything together. But here’s the liberating truth: Seeking therapy doesn’t mean you’re failing God—it means you’re allowing Him to work through others in your life. Mental health challenges don’t make you less faithful. In fact, God often uses our struggles to deepen our faith, strengthen our resilience, and draw us closer to Him. Therapy isn’t a rejection of God’s power; it’s an acceptance of the fact that we are human, and God made us to seek help when needed. Therapy as a Tool in God’s Healing Process Ultimately, therapy is not a substitute for faith; it’s a tool within the broader framework of God’s healing process. The Bible tells us that we are “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14), and part of that divine design includes the ability to seek support from others. Just as we wouldn’t try to heal a broken bone on our own, we shouldn’t feel obligated to work through emotional and mental struggles without professional guidance. As a therapist, I’ve seen how God uses these tools to bring restoration and wholeness. If you’re struggling with fear, anxiety, depression, or just the weight of life’s pressures, don’t be afraid to seek the support you need. You’re not abandoning your faith by doing so; you’re taking a courageous step toward emotional and spiritual healing. Conclusion It’s okay to need help. In fact, it’s a sign of strength, not weakness, to admit when you need support. Therapy doesn’t replace your faith—it complements it. You can seek professional help and  trust God with your healing. If you’re ready to take that step, remember: God is with you in the process, and He will use all means to bring you to a place of peace and wholeness. Whether through prayer, therapy, or a combination of both, the journey toward healing is one that honors God and cares for the person He created you to be. So, if you’ve been putting off therapy—don’t. You’re worth the time and the effort. You’re worth healing. And remember, God’s not just with you in your faith—He’s with you in your journey to wholeness, in every way possible.   Veronica Guerrero Quan, LPA-Independent Practice * This post was created with the assistance of an AI tool.

Veronica Guerrero-Quan, M.S., LPA-Independent Practice  Ah, the holidays—where your calendar fills up faster than your inbox, and your family starts planning Christmas dinner before you’ve even finished Halloween candy. If you’re already sweating over how to juggle a billion work meetings, 5 gift exchanges, and an endless supply of holiday sweets, it might be time to talk about the most important holiday tradition of all: setting boundaries. Because let’s be real, the only thing you should be spreading this season is holiday cheer, not your emotional bandwidth!   Why Boundaries Matter During the Holidays The holiday season often bring pressures including family dynamics, social obligations, and financial stress. It is precisely because of this that boundaries are so essential during the holiday season! I often describe boundaries to my therapy clients as the defining lines that determine our limitations and responsibilities as a human being. They are like having a fence and gate around a backyard; they keep the bad out while selectively letting the good in through the gate. Similar to a fence and gate guarding a backyard, boundaries purpose to protect your physical, emotional, mental, and emotional real estate. Let me give an example. I may have a limited amount of money to spend on Christmas gifts this year. To prevent myself from accumulating debt on a credit card by spending money I don’t have, I would need to acknowledge my financial limitation and set that financial boundary with myself and others during Christmas gift shopping. By setting a financial boundary, I would be protecting my financial wellbeing from being damaged. One point I’d like to highlight: boundaries are often seen as a “scary thing” to implement with family and friends, because it might feel unloving. However, nothing could be further from loving! Boundaries help prevent resentment by acknowledging our human limitations in finances, time, and emotional bandwidth. By acknowledging our limitations and implementing boundaries, we increase our ability to foster healthy interactions and connections with loved ones.   Practical Tips for Setting Boundaries During the holiday season, setting clear boundaries is key to avoiding burnout and maintaining your mental and emotional health. Start by assessing your commitments and recognizing areas where you might need to say "no," whether it’s turning down extra social invitations or delegating tasks. Practice using simple, assertive language like, "I can’t commit to this right now," or "I need some time to rest." Be honest about your needs and remember that you don’t owe anyone an elaborate explanation. Prioritize your time and energy—choose the events or gatherings that feel most meaningful and skip the ones that will leave you drained. Set limits on how long you’ll stay at family gatherings or social events and give yourself permission to leave early if you need to recharge. Lastly, don’t forget to schedule personal downtime, whether that’s reading a book, taking a walk, or enjoying a quiet cup of tea. Boundaries are about taking care of yourself, so you can be present and enjoy the holidays without feeling overwhelmed.   Overcoming Common Barriers to Boundary Setting Dealing with guilt: Many people struggle with guilt when setting boundaries, often fearing that saying "no" will disappoint others or lead to feelings of rejection. It's important to remember that setting boundaries is not an act of selfishness but an essential practice of self-respect. By prioritizing your own well-being, you are ensuring that you can show up fully for others when you are able to. In fact, honoring your boundaries creates healthier, more sustainable relationships, as it prevents burnout and resentment. Reassure yourself that it's okay to say "no"—it’s a way of taking care of your own needs so that you can engage with others in a balanced, positive way.   Handling pushback : When setting boundaries, it’s common to encounter pushback or criticism from family members or friends, especially if they’re not used to you asserting your needs. It’s important to stay firm and calm in these situations, remembering that their reactions are not necessarily a reflection of your worth or the validity of your boundaries. You can acknowledge their feelings without compromising your own needs, such as by saying, "I understand that this may be disappointing, but I need to prioritize my well-being right now." It’s helpful to stay consistent in your responses and avoid getting defensive. Over time, people will come to respect your boundaries as they see that you are committed to them, and your relationships will benefit from the clarity and mutual respect that boundaries create. Managing loneliness : Setting boundaries, especially during the holiday season, can sometimes lead to feelings of loneliness or isolation, particularly if you find yourself turning down social invitations or spending more time alone to recharge. It’s important to acknowledge these feelings and remind yourself that solitude doesn’t equate to being alone or unloved. Instead of isolating further, find ways to connect with others in meaningful, low-pressure ways, such as through a phone call, a small, intimate gathering, or virtual hangouts. Engaging in self-care activities like journaling, reading, or taking walks can also provide a sense of peace and reconnection with yourself. Remember, quality connections matter more than quantity, and nurturing your own well-being through intentional time alone can help you show up more authentically when you do choose to engage with others.   Takeaways Setting boundaries is a powerful way to create a more balanced and fulfilling holiday experience. By taking the time to define and honor your personal limits, you can reduce stress, prevent burnout, and protect your mental and emotional well-being. Boundaries help you prioritize what truly matters—whether it’s spending quality time with loved ones, engaging in self-care, or simply enjoying a peaceful moment to yourself. Rather than feeling overwhelmed by the demands of the season, boundary setting allows you to navigate the holidays with more intention, confidence, peace, and joy. Remember, you have the right to create a holiday experience that feels nourishing and authentic to you, and setting boundaries is a key step in ensuring that happens.   As the holiday season approaches, take some time to reflect on your own needs and how you want to show up for yourself during this insanely busy time. Consider the areas where you may be overextending yourself and identify at least one boundary you can set that will honor your well-being. Whether it's saying "no" to a social obligation, prioritizing rest, or limiting the emotional energy you expend, setting a clear boundary will help you create a more peaceful and balanced holiday season experience. By committing to this small but meaningful change, you’ll not only protect your own well-being but also ensure that you can engage with the season in a way that feels authentic and fulfilling.   Veronica Guerrero Quan, LPA-Independent Practice * This post was generated with the assistance of an AI tool; Veronica is responsible for the final content

Welcome to Stanley Psychology! I'm Dr. Stanley, but I tend to be informal - most of my patients call me Amanda. I want to welcome you to our practice. I am excited to be establishing our practice in Historic Downtown Mansfield, Texas, to embrace the charm of the area and community culture. We want our practice to feel comfortable for our patients and like a second home, rather than having too much of a medical feel. I truly believe the best healing begins with being comfortable and that starts with the treatment environment. I am also happy to announce we will continue remote services for those who prefer to attend virtual sessions. Many psychology group practices focus on a single area of expertise throughout their clinicians; meaning, that the whole practice has a specific specialty. This works great for some practices. However, when expanding my practice, I wanted to embrace the diversity in specialties for clinicians, leading us to serve a wider range of patients. Individuals who practice in the mental health field tend to be generalists; meaning, they are equipped to treat a wide variety of issues, as we all are here. However, each clinician also brings specialties to the practice. For myself, I specialize in trauma and substance abuse treatment. Morgan Flores, one of our therapists, specializes with couples and families, Christian counseling, and women’s issues. Morgan Brown, one of our other therapists, specializes in treating anxiety, self-esteem concerns, and is our child expert in the practice treating children ages 4+. In addition, as clinicians trained in the science of psychology, we are all experienced in conducting testing or psychological evaluations, which is something unique to our specific field. We are also always looking to hire new clinicians to bring additional specialties to our practice. In our office, each therapist utilizes a base of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) with additional modalities utilized depending on clinician and case circumstances. All treatment is supervised by me, allowing each patient to have access to both a psychologist and their treating therapist throughout their mental health journey. We are also excited to be offering group therapy for various concerns- keep an eye out on our social medias and in-office for information! We are delighted you are here- welcome in! Dr. Amanda Stanley

Amanda Stanley, Ph.D. Grounding is a technique used in mental health to help people come into the present moment with their senses. Mindfulness is described as being in the present moment, whereas grounding is used to get to the present moment. These terms are sometimes used interchangeably, and that is ok- there’s no quiz here! When we worry, we are focused about something that has happened in the past or thinking about something in the future . Grounding helps us stop this past/future focus and be in the present moment by engaging our five senses. Let’s talk about how grounding is classically taught first…and then I’ll tell you why I tell patients to “throw that out the window” when I teach grounding and what to really do, based on success in practice. The classic instruction is to use a 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 strategy: First, we want to use sight . Look around and name five things you can see. Focus on the details of each object. Then, we use touch . Feel four things that you can touch. Really feel the texture of the item you are touching, and think about the sensations and temperature. Next is hearing . Name three things you can hear. You want to pay attention to sounds in your environment, such as a fan, birds, traffic, a clock, etc. Then, we use smell . Focus on any scents in the air such as with food or nature. Scented lotions work well too. Last, we want to taste . Get something nearby to taste that is pleasant, and describe the flavor and any other sensations you experience. Why is this difficult to do? Well, if you are already anxious or otherwise distressed, this can be overwhelming. Unless you are visually impaired, most people can complete the five things you can see. Four things you can touch are also typically easy for people. However, after that, it gets tricky! I don’t know about you, but unless I am out in nature, it is difficult to think of three things you can hear. This can induce pressure and panic to find an answer; now we are getting more worked up. Two things to smell? We don’t always have multiple pleasant smelling things around us. Lastly, for taste- if we do not have something to taste, this can induce more stress to try to find something to complete the task. Taken together, grounding in the classical sense can actually be counterproductive by adding to distress. If it works for you, great! But if not, here are some alternatives: The 1, 1, 1, 1, 1 strategy: just like above, but focus on only one thing for each sense. If you do not have something to taste nearby, you can imagine something pleasant to you. The 1-sense strategy: Pick your favorite sense, and use that! You can do 5 things you see and successfully ground yourself, as an example. Touch is another great one for the one-sense approach. The multi-sense item: Some people like having an established “grounding item” that engages multiple senses. Small lotion bottles are a great example- you can feel the texture of the bottle, the cap, and the actual lotion; you can see the writing on the bottle and then focus on the color of the lotion; and, you can smell the pleasant scent of the lotion. In our office, we offer scented dough balls (think of a more pliable stress ball) to help ground with multiple senses- next time you are in-office, feel free to ask for one! Regardless of how you approach grounding, a lot of individuals think that this just “won’t help” and disregard it before ever trying. I think that is typically due to improper expectations. Is grounding going to solve your problem? No, of course not! But, does it allow your mind to take a “brain break” and focus on something pleasant in the moment to take the edge off? Yes, it does. When you return to thinking about the stressor, you can usually do so from a calmer place with more clarity. Try it out, let us know what you think, and watch future blog entries and posts for more anxiety management strategies! -Dr. Stanley

Amanda Stanley, Ph.D. Disclaimer: this is not a dad-hating blog- there are plenty of great dads out there (who "dad" in their own way). But this one is to celebrate moms, who just won’t stop momming. Many of my therapy patients with children will often hear me say “moms are always momming” no matter how old their children get. Adult child has a tough day at work? Mom wants to be there. Young child sick? Mom to the rescue. Child has a great accomplishment? Enter celebratory mom! Child struggling with something? No better comfort than mom. Old moms, new moms, grandmoms, adoptive moms…moms are always momming. Even as an adult psychologist, many of my patients who have adult children also “mom” me- making suggestions for a new cold medicine if they hear me sniffling or a certain office accessory to fill a need. I find this incredibly endearing (and helpful!), and will also chuckle and point out how moms are always momming when this happens. Growing up, my mom was the epitome of always momming. As a child I never realized how fortunate I was that breakfast was always ready, dinner was always homemade, and lunches were packed (including making sure all four of us children had our favorites- even if that meant making four types of sandwiches). No matter how hard her day may have been, we always came first. Mom was our biggest cheerleader- I don’t know how many 5am trips she took to make sure we made our extracurricular activities on time. And of course  we did not make it easy- choir, swimming, theater, basketball, baseball, even math competitions (I’ll own that one- yes, I was a mathlete). I was diagnosed with asthma as an adolescent, and for the next several decades anytime I coughed my mom would ask how my asthma was- mom was always momming. Normal is relative, and although I was appreciative, this all was my normal- I did not know another way. Although moms are always momming, moms seem to have to super-mom this time of year, when they often get the short end of the stick. The pressure to have holiday magic, arrange schedules, find the perfect gifts, and so on. More and more tasks seem to get added- many of you have to come up with a creative place to move an elf (every day for weeks on end) and, for those with young children, cannot get through December schooldays without navigating when pajama day, grinch day, cookie day, etc., are. Many moms spend the majority of December on a computer these days, focused on finding the perfect gift for everyone who makes the gift list, from children and spouse, to in-laws and teachers, often for others to get the accolades. When it comes to holidays, many moms focus on taking pictures of  their family, often being forgotten to actually be IN the pictures. Or worse, that they are hosting a group and are focused on making sure everyone is fed while trying to watch the gift opening over their shoulder.   As I reflect on childhood during this time of year, I recall that things just seemed to appear - the tree, the ornament boxes, the presents, the ice-skating figurines, the Mr. Bingle (a New Orleans tradition), the Christmas cookies. Sure, we would decorate the tree together, but let’s be honest- mom did the hard work. My mother passed in 2018, and we would do anything to have another Christmas with her- even if the tree stayed in the attic, breakfast was pouring yourself cereal, bows did not match the presents, and homemade cookies were nowhere in sight. It’s truly not about these things. These days, my sister (as the mom of adult children) has been the magic maker for the holidays for the whole family for years. We joke that she is “Mrs. Claus” and I’m fairly certain she has every holiday décor item that Target has ever made (joking…sort of). Anyone (person or dog) who comes to her house gets a stocking- with 20+ people and 10 or so dogs, this is not an easy task. For decades, she has somehow managed to find the perfect gifts for people (things I would never think of) and navigated the integral tree of family, spouses, in-laws, etc., to determine when there is overlap for all of us to do a secret santa gift exchange and eat a meal together. This is a good reminder to make sure she can enjoy Christmas morning- no matter how old her children get (now in their twenties), she has been consistently joyous watching them open gifts throughout the years. So moms….prioritize yourself. Especially during this season. You should get front row to the present opening- who cares if breakfast is late, delegated to others, or even nonexistent? Struggling with the perfect gift for someone? Everyone loves gift cards. No one will care if the bow on the present is perfect, and no one will care if the holiday cards are late. Ask someone else to snap all the pictures so that you can live in the moment (and also make an appearance in the images- I promise you, 20 years from now, you will not care if your hair was a mess and clothes were wrinkly- you want those priceless images). And most importantly- give yourself some grace.  This time of year, you get more tasks to do but no more time to do them (the math does not work, from the former mathlete haha); something has to give and too often the default is to compromise yourself.  I promise- your loved ones do not want that. Enjoy and embrace the imperfectness to this season, and stop trying to make it perfect.

Happy New Year! Perhaps fitting, but this message is coming a bit late. Like so many out there, this time of year has seemingly approached so quickly! Each new year, so many people (myself included at times!) set unobtainable goals, typically referred to as resolutions. Per definition, a resolution is a firm decision to do or not to do something. Well, isn’t that daunting? As a new year’s resolution, we are pressured with something referred to as a “firm decision.” Because of this pressure, too often people make lofty goals, do not obtain them, and by a few weeks into January feel negatively towards themselves and stop trying. It is much healthier to make our goals small, measurable, and obtainable. I also recommend using the word “goal” rather than “resolution” -verbiage can be powerful to our mindsets! Small: Work your way up! Establish the new behavior first, then challenge yourself to increase it. If you want to run a marathon, you would not start by running 26 miles! Measurable:  If you say your goal is to be more kind, what does that mean? If you give one compliment, have you met your goal? Give yourself measurable goals! If you’d like to be more kind, perhaps you can challenge yourself to volunteer in the community once per month, or to compliment at least one person when you go to the grocery store. Obtainable:  The classic example of working out; if you do not work out at all in 2023, you are not going to suddenly maintain a strenuous 5-6 day/week workout schedule in 2024. Maybe for 1-2 weeks we can, but inevitably we fall off and perhaps work out three times that week and feel like a failure. In 2023, we did not at all, but the third week in January 2024 we work out 3 times and are a failure? Tell me how this makes sense!  You can always increase the goals as you show yourself you can stick to new behaviors and patterns! Reflecting on 2023 Gratitude is a powerful thing! Even in times of struggle, there are things we can be express gratitude for. As we reflect on 2023, we are grateful for many things. Myself, I am grateful for expanding my practice from solo to a group, which allows the practice to offer more services to our community. As many know, many mental health providers have been solidly booked for years due to the pandemic, and, in part due to embracing telehealth, many remain this way. By having additional staff building caseloads, we are able to offer services more quickly. Plus, the variety of clinicians allows patients to be matched for a great fit- rapport is everything in our world! Personally, I am grateful that after a huge health scare in March (including hospitalizations and a surgery), my sweet Roxy Belle is happy and healthy. Roxy is almost 15 years old, and I rescued her from a shelter when she was 2 months old- right in the middle of my doctoral program. We’ve had quite the adventures together, and I am so grateful we were blessed with a bit more time with her. Morgan B., Morgan F., and Petrona all received their master’s degrees in clinical psychology at various points of 2023- quite the accomplishment! As one of their supervisors when they were students, I have seen so much growth and am proud of the clinicians they have become. In addition, Morgan F. offered that in 2023 she embraced the idea that she does not have to be a perfect mom; rather, to be humble and show her children how to handle mistakes because they are human too. A very important message- we are all fallible! After balancing so many tasks for so long, Morgan learned in 2023 that it is important to celebrate and take time to rest- such a good message for us all to embrace! At Stanley Psychology, we are embracing the new year with more in-office offerings for appointments and new clinicians joining us. We are looking forward to a productive, supportive, and celebratory new year!

Veronica Guerrero-Quan, M.S., LPA-Independent Practice Have you ever wondered if your experience of anxiety is within the normal range? At what point is the chest pain, racing thoughts, overthinking, sleep difficulties, or feeling on edge too significant? Is this just part of the human experience? Is your experience “too much”? What is anxiety? Let’s start by defining anxiety. Anxiety can feel very similar to fear, although they are not entirely the same. Fear is what we experience when we perceive ACTUAL  threat, while anxiety is what we experience when we perceive POTENTIAL  threat. Fear is about “what is,” while anxiety is about “what if.” For example, we might experience anxiety  thinking about the possibility of a bear encounter days prior to a hike. On the other hand, we would likely experience fear  when we come face-to-face with a bear on a hike! Sometimes anxiety manifests physically. Some examples include: -          Muscle tension -          Restlessness -          Fatigue -          Difficulty concentrating -          Irritability -          Sleep disturbance -          Chest pain -          Difficulty breathing -          Sweating -          Accelerated heartrate -          Nausea This list is not exhaustive, but these are examples of how the body can respond to perceived threat.   Is my anxiety too much? A lot of the therapy clients I have journeyed with come to me because of reaching a “breaking point.” Reaching the point of no longer wanting to continue with their anxiety struggle. Usually, there is a gap between the life they wish they had and their current distressing experience of life. Whenever I dive into learning my therapy clients’ stories, I find that many of them have experienced notable anxiety symptoms months, years, or even a couple of decades earlier. Sometimes they try therapy out sooner and other times, clients are coming to therapy for the FIRST time when they see me. What strikes me the most is that many times these lovely souls endure so much of their anxiety before the “breaking point” simply because it’s what is familiar and normal to them. Can I tell you something? ANY amount of anxiety that robs you of opportunities, relationships, jobs, or anything you wish you had is TOO MUCH anxiety.   YOU DESERVE A BETTER LIFE! I don’t believe anxiety is a “bad emotion.” I think it is a necessary emotion that can be protective and helpful at times. However, more times than not, I find that people struggle with anxiety taking the driver’s seat of their lives—instead of their own values! Let me ask you something: If anxiety were not an obstacle in your life, what would be different? How fulfilling would your life be? What would change? How would you act differently? Envision this for a moment here. Take about a minute envisioning this for yourself. Set a timer and really entertain this. Once you’re back to reading, ask yourself: how badly do I want that envisioned life? If you are indifferent and satisfied with your life as it is, we can conclude that the anxiety for you is not “too much” and you can go about your life. However, if you find yourself hungry for a different experience of life, my friend… anxiety may be robbing you of too much. You deserve a better life. You only get one. Seek therapy from a therapist specializing in anxiety. Seeking help does not make you weak. It does quite the opposite. It will make you stronger. You can grow into the person anxiety thought you could never be.   Veronica Guerrero-Quan, LPA-Independent Practice

Morgan Brown, M.S. Have you ever felt lonely? Maybe you recently moved to a new city, state, or country and you don’t know anyone. Maybe you know plenty of people, but you can’t seem to connect on a deep enough level. Or maybe, just maybe, you have many deep relationships, but still feel lonely. You can stand in the middle of a crowded room and feel completely alone. In these situations, what can you do? The first step, and the most important step, is to continue taking care of yourself. A lot of times, when we get in a funk and start feeling down, we don’t take care of ourselves the way we should. Make sure that you are still keeping your body and face clean and your teeth and hair brushed. Make sure you are eating regularly (3 meals a day with a snack if needed) and sleeping well for 8 hours. Some days, you may even want to put a little more effort in to make yourself feel even better. Put your favorite cologne on or your favorite earrings in, even if you're just hanging out around the house. When we feel like we’re looking good, we feel more confident! After this, the next step is putting yourself around people. Get out of the house to do something that you enjoy like reading at a coffee shop, browsing the comics at the local comic bookstore, walking through a park, or hoping for a good find at the thrift shop. Join a class like a workout class at the gym, a crocheting class at the library, or a sports class at the community center. When we go to the same place at the same time on the same days, we usually end up seeing the some of the same people. If you notice that you’re seeing some familiar faces, say “hey!” You don’t have to have a deep heart-to-heart with anyone; just challenge yourself to share some pleasantries with someone new. When we allow ourselves to make connections, even small ones, we are allowing ourselves to feel less alone. In fact, oxytocin, the love hormone, is released in our bodies when we give someone a compliment, do something nice for someone, or make those little connections with others. Additionally, dopamine, the reward chemical, is released when we achieve goals and take care of ourselves. We feel good when these “happy chemicals” are flowing, so by setting these goals, achieving these tasks, and making these connections, we are not only building relationships, but we are making ourselves feel great in the process! Finally, don’t be afraid to ask for help. This could be seeking therapy from a professional or asking your best friend for a night in to just watch the game or have a spa night. You don’t have to tell everyone everything you’re going through to ask for some help. You can just ask for some company for lunch to feel supported, loved, and less lonely. Don’t think that this feeling is forever. There are options for you to feel connections with others and you can handle the challenge! If you could use help fighting loneliness, reach out! We are accepting new patients.

Veronica Guerrero-Quan, LPA-Independent Practice Ever wondered if you are struggling with social anxiety? Or if you are simply shy? I’m a psychotherapist who struggled with social anxiety from elementary school through the third year of college (give or take). So please give me the honor of breaking this down for you! Enjoy! What is social anxiety? Social anxiety, as defined by the diagnostic manual for mental disorders (DSM-5-TR), is described as a “marked fear or anxiety about one or more social situations in which the individual is exposed to possible scrutiny by others.” At the core of social anxiety is this deep fear or anxiety about being scrutinized or judged by others. As such, someone may experience social anxiety regarding social interactions, being observed by others, and performing in front of others. Examples of social situations that may provoke social anxiety for someone may include: -          Having a conversation -          Meeting unfamiliar people (e.g., going on a date; making a new friend) -          Making work-related phone calls -          Writing school- or work-related emails -          Eating or drinking in front of others -          Walking in front of others -          Performing for others (e.g., dance recital; piano recital; cheerleading) -          Giving a speech -          Delivering a presentation Some individuals that experience social anxiety may fear that they will act in a way or show anxiety symptoms that would be negatively evaluated by others. They may fear that their anxiety symptoms would cause a humiliating or embarrassing experience; they may fear being rejected by others or offending them.   Social anxiety vs. normal shyness How does social anxiety differ from normal shyness? Shyness is a personality trait that is not independently pathological. In fact, shyness is seen as a positive quality in certain parts of the world! In western society, extroversion may be glamorized and praised in comparison to shyness—but this does not mean that one is “right” while the other is “wrong” or “less than”! It may be helpful to think of extroversion, socialness, introversion, shyness, and social anxiety to all be on a spectrum. There are varying degrees along the spectrum. On one extreme of the spectrum, you may have those who crave and adore being the center of attention, to the detriment of healthy connections in their own lives. On the opposite extreme of the spectrum, we have social anxiety—which also impairs healthy connections. In the middle of the spectrum, we have extroversion, varying degrees of sociability, introversion, and shyness. Someone may be experiencing social anxiety (not shyness) if the following are present: -          Social situations commonly provoke fear or anxiety. -          Social situations are endured with intense fear/anxiety—or avoided altogether! -          The fear or anxiety is out of proportion to the actual threat posed by the social situation. -          The fear, anxiety, or avoidance has persisted for 6 months or more. -          The fear, anxiety, or avoidance causes significant distress or impairment in an individual’s life (e.g., causing issues at work; affecting academic performance; affecting social connectedness) I think I have social anxiety… now what? There is good news! People can recover from social anxiety! I know this as a psychotherapist and as a human. As I mentioned before, I used to struggle with social anxiety up until my third year in college. Overcoming social anxiety can be done in several ways. One of the most effective, as supported by research, includes exposure therapy. A therapist who provides exposure therapy would likely first establish a desired level of trust with you, then identify the degree of social anxiety you experience, then teach you relaxation techniques, and eventually create a Social Anxiety Hierarchy of “challenge items.” The idea in exposure therapy is to gradually desensitize an individual to the feared situation by facing “social anxiety challenges” that progressively increase in intensity over time throughout the course of therapy. Don’t worry, this is done at the pace of the therapy client and only with their consent. A therapy client is never forced to do something that they are not desiring to do. And, as someone who used to struggle with social anxiety, I completely empathize with my therapy clients whom I suggest “social anxiety challenges” to. If this post has resonated with you and you are interested in taking a first step toward your healing, reach out to Stanley Psychology to request an appointment with me or any other available clinician. You deserve to heal! And as someone who has overcome social anxiety, I promise life is so much better, fulfilling, and freeing without social anxiety! Join me on the other side!   References: The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, Text Revision (DSM-5-TR)

Veronica Guerrero-Quan, LPA-Independent Practice   “Without gratitude, we will never understand plentitude.” – Veronica   What is gratitude? The American Psychological Association defines gratitude as, “a sense of thankfulness and happiness in response to receiving a gift, either a tangible benefit (e.g., a present) given by someone or a fortunate happenstance (e.g., a beautiful day).” We could easily argue that humans have experienced gratitude, or at least plenty of opportunities to feel grateful, since we have been around on planet earth! Even so, it was not until the late 1990’s that the field of psychology began researching “positive psychology,” including gratitude . Before then, psychological research solely sought to understand mental illness and maladaptive behavior. The hope of finding remedy to human sorrow drove research and clinical practice. In 1998, former APA President Martin E.P. Seligman, PhD coined the term “positive psychology” and introduced an era of research expansion to include human well-being and the various factors that propel people to thrive (Azar, 2011). This expanded vision for psychological research has allowed us to empirically learn more about gratitude.   What have we learned about gratitude? Here are some inspiring take-aways from gratitude research: 1.     There is a correlation between gratitude and overall sense of wellbeing (Sansone & Sansone, 2010). 2.     Gratitude can increase longevity, our imagination capabilities, and our problem-solving capacities (Emmons & McCullough). 3.     Gratitude and meaningful living are closely linked (Toshimasa, 2008).  4.     Grateful people experience greater levels of contentment (Cloud, 2011). Who wouldn’t want to experience a healthier, happier, and meaningful life? Is this not what we all strive for? Why does it feel so unattainable to us at times? Without gratitude, we will never understand plentitude. Remember this sentence? Perhaps we must not await the most ideal or perfect of circumstances to FINALLY feel grateful. Perhaps plentitude awaits us the moment we pause, take note of the good we already have, and embrace gratitude. You may be thinking… But Veronica, plentitude means PLENTY—and I don’t have that!!! Well, what is “plentitude”? The Merriam-Webster defines “plentitude” as, “the quality or state of being full” or “a great sufficiency.” Plentitude paints a picture of completeness  and abundance . However, isn’t it interesting that completeness  and abundance can be defined very differently from person to person? Without gratitude, we will never understand plentitude. I invite you to take 30 seconds to list three fulfilled needs and desires of yours within the last week. For example, this could include meals, conversations, or experiences. Meditate on these three for a moment. What are they? How did they satisfy you? How did they make you feel? How did they impact you? Take a couple of minutes to meditate on the above questions. … My friend, welcome to the life of plentitude. Without gratitude, we will never understand plentitude.   How can we “live out” gratitude? Clinical psychologist Dr. Henry Cloud addresses the benefits of gratitude in his book, “The Law of Happiness.” He highlights the following three steps to fully embrace the benefits of gratitude: 1.     Feel your feelings of gratitude. Intentionally tapping into these feelings will positively impact your mood. 2.     Put words to your gratitude. This can include writing it down, saying it aloud, or keeping a gratitude jar of weekly entries. 3.     Tell them to God or other people. Be specific! Tell them what you are grateful for from them. Tell them what you are grateful for in life. This can include a prayer, a phone call, a text message, a card or written letter, a work email, or a face-to-face conversation!   An idea for practicing gratitude as a family: The Gratitude Jar! Practicing gratitude as a family is a great way to cultivate relational connectedness and collective contentment. I encourage you to consider starting a Gratitude Jar this month! 1.     Get a jar. 2.     Decorate the jar as a family! 3.     At the end of each week, every family member jots down their name, date, and one thing they are grateful for on a paper slip. 4.     Put your slips in the jar! 5.     Repeat every week for a year. 6.     Next year, you can gather as a family and read through the slips to celebrate gratitude! (You can break it up by days or weeks)   Without gratitude, we will never understand plentitude. May we enjoy a plentiful life!     References Azar, B. (2011, April 1). Positive psychology advances, with growing pains.  Monitor on Psychology ,  42 (4). https://www.apa.org/monitor/2011/04/positive-psychology Cloud, H. (2011). The Law of Happiness. Howard Books. Robert A. Emmons and Michael E. McCullough, eds., The Psychology of Gratitude (London: Oxford University Press, 2004), 232. Sansone, R. A., & Sansone, L. A. (2010). Gratitude and well-being: the benefits of appreciation.  Psychiatry (Edgmont (Pa. : Township)) ,  7 (11), 18–22. Toshimasa Sone et al., “Sense of Life Worth Living (Ikigai) and Mortality in Japan: Ohsaki Study,” Psychosomatic Medicine  70, no. 6 (2008): 709-15.