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Veronica Guerrero-Quan, M.S., Licensed Psychological Associate- Independent Practice During an era of faith deconstruction, we must ask ourselves, “What the heck is causing large groups of people to re-analyze their Christian religious identity and belief system?” As you might suspect, this is multifaceted, and many factors are at play. Arguably, one of the many factors includes that of “church hurt” or “spiritual abuse.” Let me start by defining these phrases; although they can overlap, they are not entirely synonymous.   “Church hurt” There is no secret to what this phrase might imply. It’s exactly as you might’ve guessed: church hurt means church hurt! All jokes aside, I would elaborate and clarify that “church hurt” is defined as hurt experienced within a church context or within a church system without necessarily rising to the severity of, or including the dynamics of, spiritual abuse. In other words: spiritual abuse includes church hurt, but church hurt is not always classified as spiritual abuse. Let’s read on to learn what spiritual abuse is!   Spiritual Abuse Alright, what is spiritual abuse? Johnson and VanVonderen describe it this way: “ Spiritual abuse can occur when a leader uses his or her spiritual position to control or dominate another person. It often involves overriding the feelings and opinions of another without regard to what will result in the other person’s state of living, emotions, or spiritual well-being .” By its very definition, spiritual abuse involves a power dynamic in which the abuser holds power/authority over the individual. Any time the word abuse is utilized in any context (for example, physical or sexual abuse), there is an understanding that the abuser somehow holds greater power than the abused individual (for example, greater physical strength). In the case of spiritual abuse, this power is often a social or hierarchal power granted to the leader by an institution or congregation; this granted authority often supersedes that of the abused individual(s). Thus, a spiritual abuser often holds social status that is hard to stand up against. Like in any case of abuse, it is vital to acknowledge the power difference, because this increases an individual’s vulnerability while diminishing their ability/willingness to advocate for themselves when needed. Now that I’ve highlighted the vitally important-to-note power differential, I want to get more specific on what spiritual abuse can look like. First, let me start with offering several examples of spiritual abuse to paint a picture for you: Being cut off from all communication with church members or leaders due to leaving the congregation or disrupting the group’s “harmony.” Being consistently encouraged or guilt-tripped into cutting ties with family or friends for the sake of pursuing holiness. Receiving extensive spiritual discipline and humiliation from spiritual leadership in front of others with the stated purpose of “lovingly correcting or sanctifying you.” The spiritual leader(s) being the ultimate “holder of truth” or “God’s mouthpiece” to such a degree that others’ opinions or genuine theological questions are silenced, dismissed, or chastised. The list of examples can go on and on, but I will stop here for the purpose of this blogpost. To further clarify the definition of spiritual abuse, allow me to explicitly highlight some very common spiritual abuse dynamics: Authoritarian leadership Discrepancy between leader’s teachings and personal lifestyle (hypocrisy) Discouragement of questions or critical thinking (groupthink) Spiritual suffering on leader’s terms Elitism and persecution Use of spiritual guilt, fear, and intimidation Fostering submission, loyalty, and obedience to spiritual authority Excessive discipline and humiliation This short list implies very dense details that I plan to share more about on future blogposts—so please stay tuned!   Devastating Effects of Spiritual Abuse As you might imagine, the effects of spiritual abuse can be tragic. Every person’s experience is as unique as their upbringings and personalities. It can look differently from person-to-person, but I will nonetheless share some common outcomes among the spiritually abused: Distorted image of God Confusion about religious beliefs or worldview Identity confusion Low self-esteem Lack of living skills (for example, financial planning, job skills, social skills) Lack of trust in others Lack of trust in self (for example, distrusting own judgment or perception) This is not a comprehensive list of spiritual abuse outcomes, but it is a general summary of common general outcomes. Also, it is important to note that spiritual abuse can range in severity; typically, spiritual abuse outcome severity reflects spiritual abuse severity.   Is there hope? Well, all this all sounds depressing so far… doesn’t it? You might have been wondering when I would get to the positive part. Here it is! As a licensed therapist with clinical knowledge, and as a human with her own healing journey from spiritual abuse, I can boldly state: THERE IS HOPE.   Healing looks different from person to person, as everyone’s experiences and outcomes are unique. However, I will say there is hope when someone decides to courageously reach out for help after such devastating experiences! Therapy for the spiritually abused allows for taking inventory of psychological, emotional, relational, and spiritual damage. Mental health concerns are assessed, and therapy treats these concerns compassionately and supportively. What makes therapy unique from other professional or medical interventions is that the therapeutic relationship is generally more personable— and therapists are ethically UNALLOWED to impose their personal beliefs or biases on their therapy patients. This is a very important detail, as many individuals with a history of spiritual abuse fear to be in a one-on-one relationship with authority who will tell them what to think and do. The fear of getting hurt again is very real. I repeat: therapy is NOT about telling patients what to think or do. It is about helping them sort through their mess and find healing, even if it doesn’t line up with the therapist’s own belief system. With all of that said, I will end on this note: Pain is very real, and so is healing . Although pain may barge into our lives uninvited, healing must be invited in. I lovingly challenge you to invite healing into your life and reach out.   Reach out to our office to inquire about therapy services with Veronica!   References Enroth, R. M. (1992). Churches that abuse . https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Churches_That_Abuse   Johnson, D., & VanVonderen, J. (2005). The subtle power of spiritual abuse: Recognizing and Escaping Spiritual Manipulation and False Spiritual Authority Within the Church . Baker Books.

Morgan Flores, M.S. As a parent, we want the best for our kids- better than the best! We want them to succeed beyond our limits and be all they can be. While this is in many ways honorable and drives us to do the hard work to set our kids up for success, there is also a dark side to the perfectionism this can fuel. Let’s be real, the “best” can translate to not being content with anything less than our lofty, and often unrealistic , expectations of ourselves and our kids. When reality challenges these expectations as parents we become discouraged, put out, and even depressed. We think thoughts like, “I am not a good enough mom” or “My son is making me look bad because he cannot get his act together and I am embarrassed.”. As a mom about to have three under three (due with baby #3 in April!), I know the feeling of striving to be all and do all for my kids. I inevitably miss the mark of where I want to be and, even in the good moments, I can find myself being drawn to focus on what was left undone or not done well. If we look deeper, it is not just about external situations but our craving for perfection has to do with our inner critic and the drive to try and feel ok with ourselves if we could just be the “best” parent with the “best” kids. In reality, we do not live in a perfect world, we are not perfect people (let alone perfect parents), and we will never have perfect children.  Expecting perfection of ourselves and or of our children is a hope that is not based on reality and it leads to frustration and pain. Parents are left evaluating every decision, and every interaction, and feeling less than enough. Their kids learn through observation this is how they should evaluate themselves, not only for performance on external matters but for internal worth. Perfectionism is relentless and it rarely leads to joy. Our value goes way beyond what we do but perfectionism does not let us remember that very often.  On the flip side, moving away from perfection: Should parents let their children do whatever they want and excuse inappropriate behavior with comments like, “they are only kids” or “they are only human”? No, because it is also harmful to swing too far to this end of the spectrum and withhold discipline, which is very much needed for kids to learn and have the tools to be successful in life. Some parents can take this extreme and feel, “My child can do no wrong” to the detriment of the very child they love so deeply. Let it be noted, that love is more than warm feelings and positive regard. Consistent and reasonable discipline for the sake of teaching and training your child is in fact very loving.  Perfection is too far and doomed to failure. A lack of expectations and limits is not enough. Instead, we can strike a balance with progress over perfection. Progress as a parent is a very freeing concept. It means that we are not required to be perfect but we are intentional to grow. We do not expect the unattainable from our children but we still have the responsibility and privilege of calling out the growth that is appropriate for them to develop and become mature.  Progress also leaves room for mistakes, and that is a beautiful thing! Each difficult situation is an opportunity to model humility. Our kids know we are not perfect anyway, so instead of expecting perfection and pretending we have it together, we can demonstrate how to handle failure, frustration, and conflict, saying “I’m sorry,” and forgiving to equip our children to know how to truly thrive in this imperfect world. In this scenario, we will still not attain perfection, but will have a much better chance at setting our kids up for success through modeling how to deal with genuine life challenges with a mindset of progress that normalizes mistakes but still compels us to grow.  Who knows, this kind of paradigm shift could be the key to more genuine connections with our kids that has the potential to redefine the “best” to include ongoing growth that is good, not just for our kids, but us as well.  Please reach out to our office to inquire about services with Morgan and our other therapists!

Veronica Guerrero-Quan, LPA-Independent Practice   “Without gratitude, we will never understand plentitude.” – Veronica   What is gratitude? The American Psychological Association defines gratitude as, “a sense of thankfulness and happiness in response to receiving a gift, either a tangible benefit (e.g., a present) given by someone or a fortunate happenstance (e.g., a beautiful day).” We could easily argue that humans have experienced gratitude, or at least plenty of opportunities to feel grateful, since we have been around on planet earth! Even so, it was not until the late 1990’s that the field of psychology began researching “positive psychology,” including gratitude . Before then, psychological research solely sought to understand mental illness and maladaptive behavior. The hope of finding remedy to human sorrow drove research and clinical practice. In 1998, former APA President Martin E.P. Seligman, PhD coined the term “positive psychology” and introduced an era of research expansion to include human well-being and the various factors that propel people to thrive (Azar, 2011). This expanded vision for psychological research has allowed us to empirically learn more about gratitude.   What have we learned about gratitude? Here are some inspiring take-aways from gratitude research: 1.     There is a correlation between gratitude and overall sense of wellbeing (Sansone & Sansone, 2010). 2.     Gratitude can increase longevity, our imagination capabilities, and our problem-solving capacities (Emmons & McCullough). 3.     Gratitude and meaningful living are closely linked (Toshimasa, 2008).  4.     Grateful people experience greater levels of contentment (Cloud, 2011). Who wouldn’t want to experience a healthier, happier, and meaningful life? Is this not what we all strive for? Why does it feel so unattainable to us at times? Without gratitude, we will never understand plentitude. Remember this sentence? Perhaps we must not await the most ideal or perfect of circumstances to FINALLY feel grateful. Perhaps plentitude awaits us the moment we pause, take note of the good we already have, and embrace gratitude. You may be thinking… But Veronica, plentitude means PLENTY—and I don’t have that!!! Well, what is “plentitude”? The Merriam-Webster defines “plentitude” as, “the quality or state of being full” or “a great sufficiency.” Plentitude paints a picture of completeness  and abundance . However, isn’t it interesting that completeness  and abundance can be defined very differently from person to person? Without gratitude, we will never understand plentitude. I invite you to take 30 seconds to list three fulfilled needs and desires of yours within the last week. For example, this could include meals, conversations, or experiences. Meditate on these three for a moment. What are they? How did they satisfy you? How did they make you feel? How did they impact you? Take a couple of minutes to meditate on the above questions. … My friend, welcome to the life of plentitude. Without gratitude, we will never understand plentitude.   How can we “live out” gratitude? Clinical psychologist Dr. Henry Cloud addresses the benefits of gratitude in his book, “The Law of Happiness.” He highlights the following three steps to fully embrace the benefits of gratitude: 1.     Feel your feelings of gratitude. Intentionally tapping into these feelings will positively impact your mood. 2.     Put words to your gratitude. This can include writing it down, saying it aloud, or keeping a gratitude jar of weekly entries. 3.     Tell them to God or other people. Be specific! Tell them what you are grateful for from them. Tell them what you are grateful for in life. This can include a prayer, a phone call, a text message, a card or written letter, a work email, or a face-to-face conversation!   An idea for practicing gratitude as a family: The Gratitude Jar! Practicing gratitude as a family is a great way to cultivate relational connectedness and collective contentment. I encourage you to consider starting a Gratitude Jar this month! 1.     Get a jar. 2.     Decorate the jar as a family! 3.     At the end of each week, every family member jots down their name, date, and one thing they are grateful for on a paper slip. 4.     Put your slips in the jar! 5.     Repeat every week for a year. 6.     Next year, you can gather as a family and read through the slips to celebrate gratitude! (You can break it up by days or weeks)   Without gratitude, we will never understand plentitude. May we enjoy a plentiful life!     References Azar, B. (2011, April 1). Positive psychology advances, with growing pains.  Monitor on Psychology ,  42 (4). https://www.apa.org/monitor/2011/04/positive-psychology Cloud, H. (2011). The Law of Happiness. Howard Books. Robert A. Emmons and Michael E. McCullough, eds., The Psychology of Gratitude (London: Oxford University Press, 2004), 232. Sansone, R. A., & Sansone, L. A. (2010). Gratitude and well-being: the benefits of appreciation.  Psychiatry (Edgmont (Pa. : Township)) ,  7 (11), 18–22. Toshimasa Sone et al., “Sense of Life Worth Living (Ikigai) and Mortality in Japan: Ohsaki Study,” Psychosomatic Medicine  70, no. 6 (2008): 709-15.

Veronica Guerrero-Quan, LPA-Independent Practice Ever wondered if you are struggling with social anxiety? Or if you are simply shy? I’m a psychotherapist who struggled with social anxiety from elementary school through the third year of college (give or take). So please give me the honor of breaking this down for you! Enjoy! What is social anxiety? Social anxiety, as defined by the diagnostic manual for mental disorders (DSM-5-TR), is described as a “marked fear or anxiety about one or more social situations in which the individual is exposed to possible scrutiny by others.” At the core of social anxiety is this deep fear or anxiety about being scrutinized or judged by others. As such, someone may experience social anxiety regarding social interactions, being observed by others, and performing in front of others. Examples of social situations that may provoke social anxiety for someone may include: -          Having a conversation -          Meeting unfamiliar people (e.g., going on a date; making a new friend) -          Making work-related phone calls -          Writing school- or work-related emails -          Eating or drinking in front of others -          Walking in front of others -          Performing for others (e.g., dance recital; piano recital; cheerleading) -          Giving a speech -          Delivering a presentation Some individuals that experience social anxiety may fear that they will act in a way or show anxiety symptoms that would be negatively evaluated by others. They may fear that their anxiety symptoms would cause a humiliating or embarrassing experience; they may fear being rejected by others or offending them.   Social anxiety vs. normal shyness How does social anxiety differ from normal shyness? Shyness is a personality trait that is not independently pathological. In fact, shyness is seen as a positive quality in certain parts of the world! In western society, extroversion may be glamorized and praised in comparison to shyness—but this does not mean that one is “right” while the other is “wrong” or “less than”! It may be helpful to think of extroversion, socialness, introversion, shyness, and social anxiety to all be on a spectrum. There are varying degrees along the spectrum. On one extreme of the spectrum, you may have those who crave and adore being the center of attention, to the detriment of healthy connections in their own lives. On the opposite extreme of the spectrum, we have social anxiety—which also impairs healthy connections. In the middle of the spectrum, we have extroversion, varying degrees of sociability, introversion, and shyness. Someone may be experiencing social anxiety (not shyness) if the following are present: -          Social situations commonly provoke fear or anxiety. -          Social situations are endured with intense fear/anxiety—or avoided altogether! -          The fear or anxiety is out of proportion to the actual threat posed by the social situation. -          The fear, anxiety, or avoidance has persisted for 6 months or more. -          The fear, anxiety, or avoidance causes significant distress or impairment in an individual’s life (e.g., causing issues at work; affecting academic performance; affecting social connectedness) I think I have social anxiety… now what? There is good news! People can recover from social anxiety! I know this as a psychotherapist and as a human. As I mentioned before, I used to struggle with social anxiety up until my third year in college. Overcoming social anxiety can be done in several ways. One of the most effective, as supported by research, includes exposure therapy. A therapist who provides exposure therapy would likely first establish a desired level of trust with you, then identify the degree of social anxiety you experience, then teach you relaxation techniques, and eventually create a Social Anxiety Hierarchy of “challenge items.” The idea in exposure therapy is to gradually desensitize an individual to the feared situation by facing “social anxiety challenges” that progressively increase in intensity over time throughout the course of therapy. Don’t worry, this is done at the pace of the therapy client and only with their consent. A therapy client is never forced to do something that they are not desiring to do. And, as someone who used to struggle with social anxiety, I completely empathize with my therapy clients whom I suggest “social anxiety challenges” to. If this post has resonated with you and you are interested in taking a first step toward your healing, reach out to Stanley Psychology to request an appointment with me or any other available clinician. You deserve to heal! And as someone who has overcome social anxiety, I promise life is so much better, fulfilling, and freeing without social anxiety! Join me on the other side!   References: The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, Text Revision (DSM-5-TR)

Morgan Brown, M.S. Have you ever felt lonely? Maybe you recently moved to a new city, state, or country and you don’t know anyone. Maybe you know plenty of people, but you can’t seem to connect on a deep enough level. Or maybe, just maybe, you have many deep relationships, but still feel lonely. You can stand in the middle of a crowded room and feel completely alone. In these situations, what can you do? The first step, and the most important step, is to continue taking care of yourself. A lot of times, when we get in a funk and start feeling down, we don’t take care of ourselves the way we should. Make sure that you are still keeping your body and face clean and your teeth and hair brushed. Make sure you are eating regularly (3 meals a day with a snack if needed) and sleeping well for 8 hours. Some days, you may even want to put a little more effort in to make yourself feel even better. Put your favorite cologne on or your favorite earrings in, even if you're just hanging out around the house. When we feel like we’re looking good, we feel more confident! After this, the next step is putting yourself around people. Get out of the house to do something that you enjoy like reading at a coffee shop, browsing the comics at the local comic bookstore, walking through a park, or hoping for a good find at the thrift shop. Join a class like a workout class at the gym, a crocheting class at the library, or a sports class at the community center. When we go to the same place at the same time on the same days, we usually end up seeing the some of the same people. If you notice that you’re seeing some familiar faces, say “hey!” You don’t have to have a deep heart-to-heart with anyone; just challenge yourself to share some pleasantries with someone new. When we allow ourselves to make connections, even small ones, we are allowing ourselves to feel less alone. In fact, oxytocin, the love hormone, is released in our bodies when we give someone a compliment, do something nice for someone, or make those little connections with others. Additionally, dopamine, the reward chemical, is released when we achieve goals and take care of ourselves. We feel good when these “happy chemicals” are flowing, so by setting these goals, achieving these tasks, and making these connections, we are not only building relationships, but we are making ourselves feel great in the process! Finally, don’t be afraid to ask for help. This could be seeking therapy from a professional or asking your best friend for a night in to just watch the game or have a spa night. You don’t have to tell everyone everything you’re going through to ask for some help. You can just ask for some company for lunch to feel supported, loved, and less lonely. Don’t think that this feeling is forever. There are options for you to feel connections with others and you can handle the challenge! If you could use help fighting loneliness, reach out! We are accepting new patients.

Veronica Guerrero-Quan, M.S., LPA-Independent Practice Have you ever wondered if your experience of anxiety is within the normal range? At what point is the chest pain, racing thoughts, overthinking, sleep difficulties, or feeling on edge too significant? Is this just part of the human experience? Is your experience “too much”? What is anxiety? Let’s start by defining anxiety. Anxiety can feel very similar to fear, although they are not entirely the same. Fear is what we experience when we perceive ACTUAL  threat, while anxiety is what we experience when we perceive POTENTIAL  threat. Fear is about “what is,” while anxiety is about “what if.” For example, we might experience anxiety  thinking about the possibility of a bear encounter days prior to a hike. On the other hand, we would likely experience fear  when we come face-to-face with a bear on a hike! Sometimes anxiety manifests physically. Some examples include: -          Muscle tension -          Restlessness -          Fatigue -          Difficulty concentrating -          Irritability -          Sleep disturbance -          Chest pain -          Difficulty breathing -          Sweating -          Accelerated heartrate -          Nausea This list is not exhaustive, but these are examples of how the body can respond to perceived threat.   Is my anxiety too much? A lot of the therapy clients I have journeyed with come to me because of reaching a “breaking point.” Reaching the point of no longer wanting to continue with their anxiety struggle. Usually, there is a gap between the life they wish they had and their current distressing experience of life. Whenever I dive into learning my therapy clients’ stories, I find that many of them have experienced notable anxiety symptoms months, years, or even a couple of decades earlier. Sometimes they try therapy out sooner and other times, clients are coming to therapy for the FIRST time when they see me. What strikes me the most is that many times these lovely souls endure so much of their anxiety before the “breaking point” simply because it’s what is familiar and normal to them. Can I tell you something? ANY amount of anxiety that robs you of opportunities, relationships, jobs, or anything you wish you had is TOO MUCH anxiety.   YOU DESERVE A BETTER LIFE! I don’t believe anxiety is a “bad emotion.” I think it is a necessary emotion that can be protective and helpful at times. However, more times than not, I find that people struggle with anxiety taking the driver’s seat of their lives—instead of their own values! Let me ask you something: If anxiety were not an obstacle in your life, what would be different? How fulfilling would your life be? What would change? How would you act differently? Envision this for a moment here. Take about a minute envisioning this for yourself. Set a timer and really entertain this. Once you’re back to reading, ask yourself: how badly do I want that envisioned life? If you are indifferent and satisfied with your life as it is, we can conclude that the anxiety for you is not “too much” and you can go about your life. However, if you find yourself hungry for a different experience of life, my friend… anxiety may be robbing you of too much. You deserve a better life. You only get one. Seek therapy from a therapist specializing in anxiety. Seeking help does not make you weak. It does quite the opposite. It will make you stronger. You can grow into the person anxiety thought you could never be.   Veronica Guerrero-Quan, LPA-Independent Practice

Veronica Guerrero-Quan, M.S., LPA-Independent Practice  Ah, the holidays—where your calendar fills up faster than your inbox, and your family starts planning Christmas dinner before you’ve even finished Halloween candy. If you’re already sweating over how to juggle a billion work meetings, 5 gift exchanges, and an endless supply of holiday sweets, it might be time to talk about the most important holiday tradition of all: setting boundaries. Because let’s be real, the only thing you should be spreading this season is holiday cheer, not your emotional bandwidth!   Why Boundaries Matter During the Holidays The holiday season often bring pressures including family dynamics, social obligations, and financial stress. It is precisely because of this that boundaries are so essential during the holiday season! I often describe boundaries to my therapy clients as the defining lines that determine our limitations and responsibilities as a human being. They are like having a fence and gate around a backyard; they keep the bad out while selectively letting the good in through the gate. Similar to a fence and gate guarding a backyard, boundaries purpose to protect your physical, emotional, mental, and emotional real estate. Let me give an example. I may have a limited amount of money to spend on Christmas gifts this year. To prevent myself from accumulating debt on a credit card by spending money I don’t have, I would need to acknowledge my financial limitation and set that financial boundary with myself and others during Christmas gift shopping. By setting a financial boundary, I would be protecting my financial wellbeing from being damaged. One point I’d like to highlight: boundaries are often seen as a “scary thing” to implement with family and friends, because it might feel unloving. However, nothing could be further from loving! Boundaries help prevent resentment by acknowledging our human limitations in finances, time, and emotional bandwidth. By acknowledging our limitations and implementing boundaries, we increase our ability to foster healthy interactions and connections with loved ones.   Practical Tips for Setting Boundaries During the holiday season, setting clear boundaries is key to avoiding burnout and maintaining your mental and emotional health. Start by assessing your commitments and recognizing areas where you might need to say "no," whether it’s turning down extra social invitations or delegating tasks. Practice using simple, assertive language like, "I can’t commit to this right now," or "I need some time to rest." Be honest about your needs and remember that you don’t owe anyone an elaborate explanation. Prioritize your time and energy—choose the events or gatherings that feel most meaningful and skip the ones that will leave you drained. Set limits on how long you’ll stay at family gatherings or social events and give yourself permission to leave early if you need to recharge. Lastly, don’t forget to schedule personal downtime, whether that’s reading a book, taking a walk, or enjoying a quiet cup of tea. Boundaries are about taking care of yourself, so you can be present and enjoy the holidays without feeling overwhelmed.   Overcoming Common Barriers to Boundary Setting Dealing with guilt: Many people struggle with guilt when setting boundaries, often fearing that saying "no" will disappoint others or lead to feelings of rejection. It's important to remember that setting boundaries is not an act of selfishness but an essential practice of self-respect. By prioritizing your own well-being, you are ensuring that you can show up fully for others when you are able to. In fact, honoring your boundaries creates healthier, more sustainable relationships, as it prevents burnout and resentment. Reassure yourself that it's okay to say "no"—it’s a way of taking care of your own needs so that you can engage with others in a balanced, positive way.   Handling pushback : When setting boundaries, it’s common to encounter pushback or criticism from family members or friends, especially if they’re not used to you asserting your needs. It’s important to stay firm and calm in these situations, remembering that their reactions are not necessarily a reflection of your worth or the validity of your boundaries. You can acknowledge their feelings without compromising your own needs, such as by saying, "I understand that this may be disappointing, but I need to prioritize my well-being right now." It’s helpful to stay consistent in your responses and avoid getting defensive. Over time, people will come to respect your boundaries as they see that you are committed to them, and your relationships will benefit from the clarity and mutual respect that boundaries create. Managing loneliness : Setting boundaries, especially during the holiday season, can sometimes lead to feelings of loneliness or isolation, particularly if you find yourself turning down social invitations or spending more time alone to recharge. It’s important to acknowledge these feelings and remind yourself that solitude doesn’t equate to being alone or unloved. Instead of isolating further, find ways to connect with others in meaningful, low-pressure ways, such as through a phone call, a small, intimate gathering, or virtual hangouts. Engaging in self-care activities like journaling, reading, or taking walks can also provide a sense of peace and reconnection with yourself. Remember, quality connections matter more than quantity, and nurturing your own well-being through intentional time alone can help you show up more authentically when you do choose to engage with others.   Takeaways Setting boundaries is a powerful way to create a more balanced and fulfilling holiday experience. By taking the time to define and honor your personal limits, you can reduce stress, prevent burnout, and protect your mental and emotional well-being. Boundaries help you prioritize what truly matters—whether it’s spending quality time with loved ones, engaging in self-care, or simply enjoying a peaceful moment to yourself. Rather than feeling overwhelmed by the demands of the season, boundary setting allows you to navigate the holidays with more intention, confidence, peace, and joy. Remember, you have the right to create a holiday experience that feels nourishing and authentic to you, and setting boundaries is a key step in ensuring that happens.   As the holiday season approaches, take some time to reflect on your own needs and how you want to show up for yourself during this insanely busy time. Consider the areas where you may be overextending yourself and identify at least one boundary you can set that will honor your well-being. Whether it's saying "no" to a social obligation, prioritizing rest, or limiting the emotional energy you expend, setting a clear boundary will help you create a more peaceful and balanced holiday season experience. By committing to this small but meaningful change, you’ll not only protect your own well-being but also ensure that you can engage with the season in a way that feels authentic and fulfilling.   Veronica Guerrero Quan, LPA-Independent Practice * This post was generated with the assistance of an AI tool; Veronica is responsible for the final content

Postpartum rage is an intense and often misunderstood experience many new parents face after having a baby. While the early months of parenthood are often described as joyful, many people experience overwhelming anger, irritability, and emotional exhaustion. Having a baby is supposed to be one of the most joyful experiences of your life. You imagine holding your newborn, feeling that instant bond, and being swept up in all the love and excitement a new family member brings. But for a lot of parents, the reality is way more complicated. Along with the joy, there’s the exhaustion, the anxiety, and sometimes this intense, overwhelming anger. It’s confusing, scary, and honestly, a little shameful to feel rage when you’re “supposed” to be happy. You snap at your partner, yell over the smallest things, or feel frustrated in ways that make you wonder if you’ve completely lost it. And then comes the guilt. No one really talks about it, so you’re left wondering if something is wrong with you. That full-body, white-knuckle fury; the kind that feels disproportionate and nonstop is rarely mentioned in nine months of prenatal visits, in every baby book, or in all the well-meaning advice you get. I remember the first time I actually said it out loud to my doctor: “I’m not sad. I’m furious. At everything. All the time.” And she didn’t flinch. She just nodded and said, “That’s one of the most common things I hear, and it is one of the least talked about.” Postpartum anger is more common than many people realize, yet it’s often hidden behind the expectation that new parents should be endlessly patient, endlessly loving, and endlessly grateful. The truth is, your body and mind are going through enormous changes, and your emotions are naturally affected. Recognizing that anger is a normal, understandable response to these pressures is the first step toward managing it effectively. What Is Postpartum Rage? Postpartum rage is intense anger or irritability that occurs after giving birth. Unlike the typical “baby blues” or occasional frustration, postpartum rage can feel sudden, overwhelming, and difficult to control. You might notice yourself snapping at loved ones, yelling over minor inconveniences, or feeling a deep sense of frustration that seems to come out of nowhere. It’s important to understand that postpartum rage is not a sign that you’re a bad parent. Your brain and body are undergoing massive changes after childbirth. Hormonal shifts, sleep deprivation, and the stress of caring for a newborn can all amplify emotions, making it easier to feel triggered or frustrated. For some parents, these feelings are linked to anxiety, depression, or unresolved trauma, while for others, they emerge simply from the exhaustion and pressure of new parenthood. Recognizing postpartum rage as a legitimate, common experience is the first step toward understanding it and finding ways to cope. You are not alone, and these intense feelings don’tmean you love your baby any less. They just mean your nervous system is overwhelmed and in need of support. What strikes me now, looking back, is how much the anger made sense once I understood what was driving it. It wasn’t random. It was a signal. How Common Is It? Postpartum rage is more common than the silence around it would suggest. Up to 1 in 5 new mothers experience clinically significant postpartum depression, and irritability and anger are actually among its most common symptoms. Some researchers even argue that anger may show up more than sadness, especially in women who have been socialized to suppress certain emotions but not others (Altshuler et al., 2000; O’Hara & McCabe, 2013). For many parents, that full-body, white-knuckle fury isn’t a side effect. It’s a core part of what they’re experiencing. And it’s not just birthing mothers. Fathers, non-birthing partners, and adoptive parents report postpartum anger too (Paulson & Bazemore, 2010; Cameron et al., 2016). So while hormones can play a role, rage is also about the very real pressures of new parenthood: the relentless sleep deprivation, the sudden shift in identity, the strain on relationships, and the constant demand to keep everything under control. Research backs this up. A 2018 study found that irritability and anger predicted persistent postpartum depressive symptoms more strongly than sadness alone (Sutter-Dallay et al., 2018). A 2021 review highlighted that anger is often underdiagnosed and undertreated in the postpartum period, even though it can affect both parent and baby (Giallo et al., 2021). The takeaway is clear: postpartum rage is real, it’s common, and it doesn’t mean something is “wrong” with you. It’s the result of biology, stress, sleep deprivation, and the massive life changes that come with having a new baby. You’re not alone, and talking about it doesn’t make you a bad parent. It makes you human! Why It Happens: Hormonal withdrawal After birth, estrogen and progesterone drop sharply and rapidly. These hormones play a huge role in regulating mood, and their sudden withdrawal can destabilize the brain’s emotional circuitry, making ordinary frustrations feel unbearable. Your nervous system is not overreacting, it is genuinely dysregulated. It’s not about being “too sensitive”; it’s your biology recalibrating under extreme stress. The neuroscience of sleep deprivation The prefrontal cortex, which is the part of the brain responsible for impulse control, planning, and emotional regulation, is one of the first casualties of sleep deprivation. New parents are routinely operating at levels of sleep loss that would be considered a clinical emergency in anyother context. Anger is not a moral failing in this state. It’s a predictable neurological consequence of running on empty, and understanding that can be surprisingly freeing. The invisible load Even in households that consider themselves equal, the cognitive and physical labor of new parenthood often lands disproportionately on one person. The constant anticipation; feeds, naps, diapers, developmental milestones and the mental management of everything else that nobody else sees or thanks you for, accumulates like snow in a storm. When that work goes unacknowledged, resentment is not irrational; it’s rational. And eventually, it surfaces as rage. Grief that has nowhere to go Becoming a parent comes with real losses: your autonomy, your previous identity, your body, your career trajectory, even the relationship you once had with your partner. That grief is valid, but it’s rarely given space. In my experience, when grief is not recognized or expressed, it often comes out as anger instead, and is raw, surprising, and sometimes frightening in its intensity. Layers upon layers What I’ve learned is that postpartum rage is rarely about one thing. It’s not just hormones. It’s not just sleep. It’s not just the invisible labor or the grief. It’s all of those things, colliding at once, and amplified by the pressure to be calm, happy, and grateful every single moment. It’s the perfect storm for anger, and it doesn’t mean you’re failing as a parent. It means you’re human. Why Nobody Warned Us & What Can Help Postpartum rage is common, yet rarely discussed. The research on mood changes, irritability, and anger after birth exists, but cultural expectations around motherhood often enforce silence. New parents are expected to feel joy, fatigue, or occasional sadness, but anger, especially toward one’s baby or partner, does not fit the script. This can create shame and prevent people from seeking help, even when symptoms are distressing. Addressing postpartum anger often requires multiple approaches. A first step is acknowledging the feelings and discussing them with a healthcare provider. Screening tools, like the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale, can help provide a clinical framework, confirming that these experiences are recognized and treatable rather than character flaws. Therapy with a clinician who specializes in perinatal mental health can be especially helpful. Such specialists can help identify the underlying factors contributing to anger, including exhaustion, grief, and perceived inequities in household or caregiving responsibilities, and provide strategies to manage them effectively. Structural changes, such as having clear conversations about the distribution of labor at home, are often necessary in addition to therapy. Clarifying roles, responsibilities, and expectations can help reduce the stress and resentment that fuel anger. Medication may also be part of a treatment plan for some parents. SSRIs and SNRIs are often considered compatible with breastfeeding, and pharmacological support can be an important tool for addressing neurochemical contributors to mood dysregulation. Recognizing the need for medication is not a weakness but a valid component of treatment. When to Seek Help for Postpartum Rage If postpartum anger feels overwhelming or begins affecting your relationships, daily functioning, or connection with your baby, professional support can help. Therapy with a clinician who specializes in postpartum mental health can provide strategies to regulate emotions, process stress, and restore balance during this transition. You Are Not Who You’re Afraid You’ve Become The version of yourself standing in that kitchen at 3 a.m., white with rage, is not your “true self” revealed. She is a person under extraordinary physiological and emotional strain, navigating a culture that underprepares and undersupports new parents, experiencing a recognized clinical symptom that has been kept quiet for far too long. This anger is not evidence that you don’t love your child. Often, it’s a sign of just how much you care and how little margin you’ve been given to do this well. Reach out. Tell your doctor. Find a therapist who understands this territory. Let someone see the whole picture. The shame that keeps postpartum rage hidden is what makes it hardest to heal. You don’t have to face this alone. If you feel like you need support, I would be honored to help guide you through this challenging time. Through therapy, we can work together to understand the roots of your anger, develop coping strategies, and create space for relief, healing, and self-compassion. Need Support After Baby? If postpartum anger or overwhelm is affecting your daily life, support is available. Schedule a session with me at  Stanley Psychology today. Call: 817-592-0750 To schedule a session with me, you can contact Stanley Psychology at 817-592-0750 or email info@stanleypsychology.com . Remember: Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. You are capable, resilient, and deserving of support. With the right tools and guidance, you can reclaim calm, confidence, and joy in your parenthood journey.

Struggling with intrusive thoughts or OCD symptoms? Stanley Psychology offers evidence-based OCD therapy, including virtual appointments for clients across Texas and in-person sessions in Mansfield. 📞 Call: (817) 592-0750 📩 info@stanleypsychology.com Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is often portrayed as extreme cleanliness, organization, and the need for control. But let’s get real for a second… someone can be clean, organized, and have an anxious need for control without having OCD. And here’s the important part: many people with OCD don’t relate to this stereotype at all. This misunderstanding causes people to doubt themselves, minimize their symptoms, or assume what they’re experiencing “doesn’t count” as OCD. As a result, many individuals delay getting the support that could genuinely help. If you’re experiencing intrusive thoughts or compulsive behaviors that feel overwhelming, support is available. Stanley Psychology offers evidence-based OCD therapy, including virtual therapy appointments for clients anywhere in Texas, as well as in-person sessions in Mansfield. So let’s clear this up. What is OCD? OCD is characterized by obsessions and/or compulsions. Obsessions are: Recurrent and persistent thoughts, urges, or images that are experienced, at some time during the disturbance, as intrusive and unwanted, and that in most individuals cause marked anxiety or distress. The individual attempts to ignore or suppress such thoughts, urges, or images, or to neutralize them with some other thought or action (i.e., by performing a compulsion). In everyday language: these are thoughts that show up uninvited, feel disturbing or alarming, and refuse to let go—no matter how much you wish they would. Compulsions are: Repetitive behaviors (e.g., hand washing, ordering, checking) or mental acts (e.g., praying, counting, repeating words silently) that the individual feels driven to perform in response to an obsession or according to rules that must be applied rigidly. The behaviors or mental acts are aimed at preventing or reducing anxiety or distress or preventing some dreaded event or situation; however, these behaviors or mental acts are not connected in a realistic way with what they are designed to neutralize or prevent, or are clearly excessive. Compulsions can be visible or completely invisible to others. And yes, mental compulsions count. A crucial (and often missed) feature of OCD A crucial element of OCD is that obsessions are usually NOT in alignment with your identity or value system. That is why obsessions tend to be so disturbing. OCD doesn’t latch onto random topics. It goes straight for what you care about most. And then convinces you that the very presence of the thought means something terrible about you! Here’s what that can look like. Example: Intrusive thoughts that go against your values For example, let’s say you are a very family-oriented person who wants to become a parent one day. And to your horror, you keep having recurrent and persistent intrusive images of inappropriately touching your beloved niece. It FREAKS YOU OUT each time this thought pops in your head. You have never done something like this before and the mere thought of it disgusts and distresses you. Then you might doubt, “ Is me thinking this proof that I am a pedophile, or that I might become one? Am I a danger to children? Should I avoid my niece? Maybe I can’t become a parent after all… ” The extreme distress might lead you to avoid people and situations. It might even drive you to perform certain compulsions. Maybe you learn to tap a certain number of times when the intrusive image pops in your mind. Or maybe you learn to say a specific prayer each time. Or maybe you intentionally picture something else mentally immediately after the intrusive image, to replace that horrific image with something positive or neutral. This cycle becomes overwhelming and causes your quality of life to diminish. What’s important to understand here is this: the distress exists because the thought is unwanted and deeply inconsistent with the person’s values. That mismatch is a hallmark feature of OCD. It is not a sign of intent, desire, or character. Another common OCD presentation: Fear of causing harm through illness Let’s go over another example to highlight how OCD is against your value system: let’s say that you fear spreading illness to those you love. You love your family and friends so much that you would never want to cause them any kind of harm or inconvenience. In the last year or so, you have become very concerned about getting sick and then feared inconveniencing or harming those around you by spreading the illness to them. You begin to experience recurrent and persistent intrusive thoughts like, “ What if I get COVID-19 and pass it along to my immunocompromised mom?” or “ What if I have asymptomatic virus and pass it on to my niece or nephew? After all,… sickness runs rampant this time of year.” These thoughts become so persistent that you decide to just deal with it and wash your hands excessively, to the point of hands getting raw despite using lotion. You also carry hand-sanitizer with you 24/7 and refuse to touch commonly touched surfaces or items. Your quality of life diminishes as this concern takes over your life and the freedom you once used to have. Again, OCD is doing what it does best: targeting love, responsibility, and care. It turns it all into fear. What all forms of OCD have in common OCD can focus on a variety of topics such as health, morality, relationships, taboo thoughts, harm, religion, etc. That said, most presentations share several core features: Intolerance of uncertainty Overestimation of responsibility or threat Temporary relief from compulsions that reinforces the cycle OCD targeting what you value most Different content. Same exhausting loop. OCD Therapy Options in Texas Many people struggling with intrusive thoughts benefit from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)  and Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) , which are considered the gold standard treatments for OCD. At Stanley Psychology, our therapists specialize in helping individuals manage obsessive thoughts, reduce compulsions, and regain control of their daily lives. Our approach may include: OCD therapy for intrusive thoughts• Treatment for compulsions and repetitive behaviors• Support for anxiety related to OCD Virtual therapy appointments available across Texas • In-person therapy sessions in Mansfield If you're unsure whether what you're experiencing might be OCD, speaking with a trained therapist can help provide clarity and a path forward. When Should You Seek Help for OCD Intrusive Thoughts? If intrusive thoughts or compulsive behaviors are interfering with your daily life, professional support can help. Our therapists at Stanley Psychology provide compassionate, evidence-based OCD treatment  to help individuals understand their symptoms and begin reclaiming their lives. You don’t have to figure this out alone. 📞 Call to schedule a consultation:  833-849-1009 📩 Or contact us through our website to get started. OCD is treatable. There is real hope. I promise! If you’re reading this and thinking, “ Wow… this feels uncomfortably familiar,” I want you to know something important: There is so much hope. The gold standard treatment for OCD is Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), an evidence-based therapy that helps individuals learn to tolerate uncertainty, reduce compulsions, and reclaim their lives. This is done without needing 100% certainty first (because spoiler alert: OCD never accepts 100% certainty anyway). I also incorporate Inference-Based Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (I-CBT), an OCD- specific approach that helps people learn to trust themselves again and step out of the doubt spiral OCD creates. You’re not broken, and you’re not alone! OCD can feel convincing, loud, and relentless. It can also be incredibly isolating; this is especially true when the thoughts are embarrassing, scary, or hard to explain. But OCD does not define who you are. If any of this resonates with you, support from an OCD-specialized therapist can make a meaningful difference. Helping people loosen OCD’s grip and reconnect with their values is genuinely one of the most rewarding parts of my work. And yes, you don’t have to do this alone. 💛 If you'd like to learn more about treatment options, you can also learn more about our therapy services at Stanley Psychology . Hope to chat soon, Veronica Guerrero-Quan, LPA-Independent Practice Frequently Asked Questions About OCD Can OCD cause intrusive thoughts? Yes. Intrusive thoughts are one of the most common symptoms of OCD. Is OCD treatable? Yes. Treatments like CBT and Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) are highly effective. Can I receive OCD therapy online? Yes. Stanley Psychology offers virtual therapy for clients across Texas, making it easier to access support from home.

It’s the baby’s nap time, and you can’t decide whether you should take a shower, eat, drink some coffee, clean, read, or take a nap.  If you find yourself in this season of life, I see you, Mama! Let's talk about mental health for moms. There are so many changes that happen when becoming a mom. There is comfort in knowing that this season is one to cherish AND one that will graduate into future seasons with their own set of challenges and delights. No matter the season, however, the biggest blessings in life often come with the biggest sacrifices.  There is the expected hard. There is the unexpected hard.  There is the expected joy. There is the unexpected joy.  And there is a lot of life that fills the in-between.  It matters. Your family matters. You matter. You are not alone.  Motherhood holds a kind of hard work that shapes us in profoundly beautiful ways, yet there are seasons when we slip into unnecessary suffering that dims that beauty.  We can start to feel alone, overwhelmed, uninformed (or even overinformed lol), and feel broken down, anxious, angry, and upset that we cannot just stop feeling upset. Mom guilt has a way of wearing us down in ways no sleepless night ever could. Every mama has days that feel this way, but if it seems like most days are consumed by these feelings, take heart that there is hope. Motherhood doesn’t have to feel like this all the time. Being emotionally and mentally present is one of the most meaningful ways we can show up for ourselves and our families. This can become very difficult to walk in when we are experiencing stress, anxiety, depression, or a lack of confidence in our lives as a new mama. Having the space to grow personally can have a significant ripple effect on your kids, your spouse, and ultimately generations to come after you.  Therapy is not a “fix-all,” but it can be a tool to help in very practical and meaningful ways. One thing I am passionate about is sitting with women in their season of motherhood, and I would love to have the chance to hear your story.